Parenting Plans
- What is a parenting plan?
- A parenting plan is a written plan agreed on by separating or divorced
parents for how to handle parenting of their children. There can be a temporary
plan to handle things at the time of a separation and a "permanent" plan
later. (Parenting plans are never truly permanent, because
they need to change as the children get older.)
- Why have one?
- Stability and predictability are very important for the children
when so much is changing. Making decisions as
each issue comes up is more pressured
and stressful than planning in advance. In all but the friendliest divorces,
an ad hoc approach escalates conflict. This makes for poorer decisions and is bad for parents
and children.
- What issues should the plan address?
- Some issues are:
- What days of the week will the children be in each house?
- Where will the children be on holidays and during the summer?
- How will school issues and homework be handled?
- How will medical care be handled?
- Is there a commitment by both parents not to move out of the area? If
not, how will this be handled if it comes up?
- How will the plan be changed as the children get older and have
different needs?
- What makes for a good parenting plan?
- A good plan is one that
- is responsive to the wishes and abilities of both parents
- is responsive to the feelings and needs of the children
- is firm enough to provide stability and reduce conflict
- is flexible enough to accommodate unexpected events and the
children's development
- How do parenting plans get developed?
- Like other aspects of a divorce agreement, parents can work them out
with each other or they can get help from professionals, such as family
law attorneys or therapists with background in divorce.
If parents do this on their own, they should use one or more of resources
like those listed below to help them remember the many things that need to
be decided.
Resources
Books and Pamphlets
- Mom's House, Dad's House, by Isolina Ricci, Ph.D.
- Has lots of detail about what to include, including some relevant legal
information. Lots of suggestions for how to proceed, including how to
think through your own readiness for tackling different aspects of the job.
Written by a child-savvy psychologist practicing in San Francisco and Marin
County who has been very active in the divorce professional community.
- The amount of detail here can make the book challenging. There are
other resources that keep it simpler and where specific information is
easier to find. But there may not be another resource with as much
information or as many good, sensitive suggestions.
- Building a Parenting Agreement That Works, by Mimi Zemmelman, Ph.D.
- Published by
Nolo Press.
I haven't reviewed this book, but a previous books on this topic from Nolo
was very detailed and systematic and this one appears to be, as well. It
should be good for walking parents through the process step-by-step, covering every
issue.
- Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce, by Emily Doskow
- Covers everything about divorce, including a concise discussion of
parenting plans. Published by
Nolo Press.
- "Making Your Parenting Plan Work" and "A Guide For Joint Custody and
Shared Parenting" (pamphlets), by the Assoc. of Family and
Conciliation Courts
- Excellent brief presentations of the essential issues, with guidance
from the best research on what arrangements are best for children.
Discuss needs of children according to their age, all the way from infancy
through 18. Too brief to be sufficient for most parents.
- To find these and other useful pamphlets for separated and divorced parents
from AFCC,
click here.
Web Resources
- Model Parenting Time Plans, by Arizona Family Court
- A sensitive, detailed tool for designing the the schedule in the two
houses .
Incorporates research on children's needs at different ages, and has
sample plans clearly laid out on calendars. Includes blank
calendars for parents to fill in. Although there are a few things
that are directed to parents in Arizona, most of it works for parents
anywhere.
- To download,
click here.
- Planning for Shared Parenting, by Massachusetts chapter of AFCC
- A guide for parents on the needs of children at different ages, for
use in deciding on the schedule in the two houses.
- To download,
click here.
- Kids' Turn
- A great organization providing help to parents and children going
through divorce. They provide classes for children and parents.
- For Kids' Turn home page,
click here.
- California Parenting Time Order Form
- To get an idea of how a parenting plan can be filed as a court order
in California,
click here.
Software
- Custody X Change
- Interesting tool for creating your own parenting plan in legal language.
- For information from the publisher,
click here.